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“An Egyptian bridegroom has been seriously injured after he was hit by shotgun pellets fired into his testicles by a guest celebrating his wedding,” ewn.co.za reports . . .

“Osman al-Alsaied, who’s 28, was enjoying his last night being single when the weapon was accidentally fired at him rather than into the air. Police say the gun was negligently fired by a 26-year-old man who fled the scene but was later arrested and questioned.”

This story of a couple’s ruined wedding night — not to mention an uncomfortable honeymoon — comes to us not from the Land of The Pharaohs, but from my ancestral home of Johannesburg, South Africa. Where the government is contemplating banning wedding guests from firing into the air to celebrate a couple’s nuptials.

Because government can solve any problem by passing a law. Poof! Celebratory gunfire gone! Or not.

Better answer: the RSA’s People of the Gun should work assiduously to instill a common culture of responsible gun ownership. Because no responsible gun owner would even think about launching lead into the air to land they know not where. All such shots are a negligent discharge, period.

It’s a shame Mr. Osman al-Alsaied’s assailant didn’t shoot himself in the nuts, removing his genetics from the gene pool. We’ll just have to take comfort in the naming and shaming that this award bestows upon its recipient. Hoping that any woman contemplating sharing bodily fluids with the shooter his will read this post before it’s too late.

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20 COMMENTS

    • “That’ll detract from the wedding night fun…”

      *Snort*

      We don’t know what the ‘blushing bride’ looked like…

      *snicker*

  4. I was watching a vid of wedding in mid East. They’re firearms handling was scary, one man barely missed a woman , was amazed how a group of celebrators could walk down the street firing weapons. They definitely like punching holes in the sky.Testicles too evidently.

  8. In case you’ve never been to the middle east or any country that speaks in squiggles and dots, this is not a one off it is a mode of operation.

    • Once confronted by three hoodlums, I had to pull revolver, two backed off, one was determined to pursue the attack, I pointed pistol at his groin and stated I will” blow your balls off” he stopped the attack. I thought how strange human behavior, the gun pointed at his chest was not a deterrent,the loss of testicles was.

    • Years ago I read an article by Massad Ayoob. Unfortunately I didn’t save it and don’t remember where I saw it, but he gave some sage advice:

      “When holding a man at gunpoint both you and he should be aware of the possibility of accidental discharge. Never hold your pistol pointed at his chest. The traditional method is to hold at ‘low ready’ so that you can bring the pistol to bear quickly if necessary. Personally I find it much more effective to lower your pistol so it points directly at his groin. This will almost always gain complete cooperation from even the most hardened criminals.”

      Bottom line, most men would rather be dead than lose the family jewels.

  11. 1) Bridegroom Buddy Blows Betrothed’s Balls, Bringing Bridal Blues

    2) Groom’s Guest Goes Gaga on Gun, Giving Groom Groin Genital Gloom

    3) Man’s Matrimonial Musket Misfire Makes for Marital Manicorn Misadventure

    4) Wacky Weapon-Wielding Wedding Wellwisher Wallops Wife-to-be’s Wanker

  12. If this scares you, you definitely don’t want to be in South L.A. on the evenings of the 4th or New Years Eve.

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