Daniel Collins of Teaneck, New Jersey apparently isn’t like most guys. When the subject turns to flatulence, it’s all the majority of males can do to contain the giggles. This reaction usually begins to manifest itself in those with X and Y chromosomes somewhere around the age of five and remains a constant force until the individual assumes room temperature, no matter how many years later that may be. Comedians, of course, know this and have built careers around fart humor. But Mr. Collins is different. No, the 72 year-old Teanecker isn’t amused at all by a butt burst in his general vicinity. And that’s why he’s now in so much trouble . . .
As you might expect from someone so chuckle challenged, Daniel was involved in an ongoing dispute with another person in his apartment building. And when the unidentified neighbor walked past his door Monday evening and blew the old stinkwhistle, Mr. Collins decided he’d had enough.
As Teaneck PD Detective Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com,
The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m.
But according to Collins, the neighbor left out one important part of the story – the alleged butt bomb.
Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.
So because of his general mirth deficit (or maybe due to his sensitive nose), Mr. Collins has now been charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats. And we’re guessing his neighbors in the hoosegow were even less delicate about tooting the mud trumpet than his the guy outside his door. So we’ll be sending Daniel an IGOTD award to recognize his overzealous anti-fart fatwa and can only hope that the memory of the incident isn’t gone in a poof.
should have just waited for him to pass again then it him with the ole zippo lighter…..BLAM!!
Can’t these people get more creative at hiding guns? In his car? Yeah, they won’t look in there.
How about a roof or trash dumpster after a wipe down?
It also says he consented to the search…I don’t know why you would do such a thing when you know you have an illegally owned firearm to be found. I’m glad I understand how the 4th and 5th amendments work.
Probably because he knows how things really work.
“Will you consent to a search?”
“No”
“We have probable cause to perform a search. Step aside.”
and he knows that consenting looks better in court.
Pass the beans please…
Heck, my farts are more deadly than a .32…
What’s the crime? Collins was merely returning fire.
This story really stinks.
As a further degradation they make perps hold up their booking plate, makes them look more pathetic that way.
Is it just me, or is this guy a dead ringer for George Jefferson (Sherman Hemsley)?
A mix of GJ and the guy from Sanford & Son. LMAO. What a model citizen. Stinky old bastard threatens someone’s life over a fart.
what, is this guy sitting in a chair by his front door with his ear pressed to the wood tryinf to hear a fart. he doesn’t need criminal charges, he needs intensive therapy and supervision.
I would have said almost nothing and refused to let law enforcement search anything. At that point all the police have is one person who says another person pointed a gun at him. How can they get a search warrant based on that? It seems like they would need more evidence. And even if they obtain a search warrant and find a legal revolver in his apartment, how does that mean anything? Roughly 1 in 5 or so people have revolvers in their homes.
Anyone could call the police and say a neighbor pointed a revolver at them. As I understand it, handguns are now the most popular self-defense firearm in the nation and lots of people certainly have revolvers. So if it goes to trial a jury would convict because the neighbor said the guy pointed a revolver at him and the police found a revolver … when about 1 in 5 people have revolvers?
The guy may be guilty and shame on him if he is. But if he isn’t guilty, this is another example of shut your mouth and invoke your Fourth and Fifth Amendment rights. Heck even if you are guilty you should still invoke your rights.
Heck even if you are guilty you should still invoke your rights.
Especially if you’re guilty.
This. Remember: as soon as the cops start asking you questions, they’re trying to figure out what you’re guilty of. Nothing you could say would change that. “I do not consent to any search of my person or property. I wish to speak to an attorney.” Nothing more, nothing less.
Don’t even answer the door. They can pound on it all they want, and threaten to kick it in, i’m still not acknowledging i’m home.
Cops are not there to let you go, they are called in and are taking someone to jail. Whether you stay there for an hour or several days depends on what you say and how you react.
The best policy is not to do stupid shit but if you do then check yourself when interfacing with LEO
Personally, I think it’s more funny reading your many references used to describe the act of farting than the act itself. I’ve picked up a few new descriptors that will definitely be used an an opportune time. Thanks, Dan.
Glad I could add to your vocabulary.
Particularly liked stinkwhistle.
The puns are flying today lol
I take the Shrek ideal, better out then in.. 🙂
Proof positive that Beano can contribute to world peace.
So this guy allegedly pulled a gun in retaliation over a fart outside his door? Outside his door as in the public hallway? Makes me curious as to what the ongoing “dispute” is with the neighbor. I’ll bet it’s not much fun living anywhere in that building.
Maybe I’m ignorant because I am a new gun owner, and maybe my knowledge of gun laws is weak, but how does ANY of this constitute a charge of “making terroristic threats”? Obviously this article doesn’t include all of the details, but what justifies this kind of charge?
LEOs/prosecutors love to stack charges in order to intimidate the defendant in to taking a plea bargain. If all cases went to trial the entire justice system would collapse. PBS said that 95% of federal cases were plea bargained. So if you ever get charged, demand a trial by jury, and depending on the charge & circumstances, the state will drop the charges. That is what happened to me last time.
Read the whole screed on fox or some other MSM outlet. Danny-boy threatened to “put a hole” in the offending flatulator’s head.
BTW guy’s…I literally just ripped a huge one. I’m posting so that I can formally apologize to all of you. I really meant nothing hostile by it. Thanks for your understanding and for not drawing down on me. You’re the best! 😉